Who to Tell When

Yesterday, I decided to tell two of my co-coaches about the pregnancy. I’m still conflicted about this whole “protocol” of waiting until 12 weeks, not because I don’t understand it, but because the notion of being judged or made to feel shame or guilt because of something upsetting that might happen in those first 12 weeks seems to be much more of a problem than anyone casually mentioning what our tradition here in the U.S. is would say.

I’m terrible at keeping secrets, I’m a horrible liar, and while I don’t like a lot of public attention, openness is as important to my daily life as coffee and running (speaking of which I’m liking coffee okay again! Which is wonderful!) So, after a tearful, stressed conversation with my mom in which I asked (again): what will I do when I have appointments I have to schedule during work? What if girls on the team figure it out? What if I physically can’t run at some point? While I’m not ready to tell the girls on the team yet, I did decide to tell two of the coaches I work with, and I’m relieved. No one made too big of a hullaballoo about it since we were talking quietly on the side of the track after practice, but we all shared some joy and congratulations, and most importantly, I could honestly explain why I won’t be at practice on Friday.

At some point, I’ll need to tell my boss. I like my boss, and I like my job, and because it is so rigid in its schedule (school starts on time with or without me, runs on certain dates with or without me), and if I go on maternity leave in early December, that means I’ll be missing a good portion of the school year. This year I teach an AP class, and two different semester-long electives. I’d like to be able to have an honest conversation about who would take over my AP class when I leave (if it even still makes sense for me to teach it next year, but hopefully that wouldn’t mean losing it forever), and scheduling the electives so that someone else who really loves teaching Reading and Writing Fiction can have the class second semester while I’m at home bonding with and loving our baby.

We have our first ultrasound on Friday (it was not part of the very first prenatal visit, which went well on Monday), and I am going for blood work in just a few minutes, so I think I will tell my boss next week, once I have just a bit more information.

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